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I’m inferring/projecting a lot, but, my mom was an alcoholic that committed suicide, I don’t know many people that relate to that, but it sounds like you might. Your comment really hits home. Just wanted to say, I relate. You’re not alone.

Had a bag at the head of my bed, woke up, still laying down, reached over my head to grab something out of it, went to pull back “down” and tore my rotator cuff. I was 20.