I am quite good at talking to people. But I want to step up my flirting game. So what are some relatively “safe” ways to flirt?
Offer a piece of cheese
Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times?
There is no real strattegy when flirting. It’s all vibes based and based on the person you try. Some might love a joke you make while others might thing it’s offensive.
The only pointers I can give are: be chill, funny and nice to be around with. Learn how read the room and how zo banter. Also if you are strughling to talk to people you find attractive: ask genuine open queshions. People love talking about themselves to people that are interested in them.
Flirting is all about observation and escalation. Flirting is a game of fun, it is not seduction. You do it to entertain and entice, not to get your end away.
You start with a comment, or joke, or double entendre. If your flirtee responds in kind then you progress and maybe escalate a little with another comment or joke or double entendre. What’s most important, though is the observation. If your flirtee backs down then you fucking back down too. If your flirtee misses the cue then you back down. If you’re not sure, you back down.
This isn’t really answerable in a forum discussion, as it all varies too much depending on circumstance.
I guess the basic idea is to make someone feel good and wanted without going overboard and coming across as any sort of creepy. This is a fairly fine line, though, and where it is fluctuates wildly depending on the person, situation and expectations of the moment. You’re also juggling body language and tone in addition to your words, so really anything can be made flirty, or go overboard, all depending on recipient/mood, delivery and circumstance/timing.
The first thing I’d probably start thinking about is how to identify the times and individuals where any flirting will be welcomed, which is also going to vary quite a lot. Dates are a pretty safe place to start, for obvious reasons.
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The other people in the thread provided some solid advice that included some loose examples. It’s a tough thing to go into detail on without writing a book half full of caveats though. I don’t want to try recommending a method or anything, because there kinda is no method to it. That I can think of anyway, that will be any sort of consistent.
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I wouldn’t sweat it too much. It’s the sort of thing everyone needs to learn by practicing, that’s how everybody who is any good at it got there.
If it worries you, maybe start with innocuous compliments, things like that whatever looks cute, you have a pretty voice, stuff like that. Don’t have to press, you’re not trying to get anywhere or anything, just build up some starter confidence in expressing yourself. Like the other guys said, if someone doesn’t seem receptive, don’t sweat it, just back off. Nothing wrong with a compliment.
It’s a trial and error thing, though, and you’ll develop your own style over time.
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Then I’d just go with the examples the other guys gave, it’s good stuff, and they’re probably more current than I am. Banter is fun, you’re doing really well if you’re both laughing. I liked that shoulder squeeze litmus test thing one guy mentioned, that’s a good move. Anything you can back off from pretty easily like that without feeling like a dick is fine.
We’re all being vague intentionally, though, nobody can give a script for it. Any script is a bad script, it all just varies too much. Back to what I originally said, this isn’t really answerable in a forum discussion, not well anyway. Everything has to be either really vague, or risk being wrong for you. And I’m not some self help guru willing to take that risk of giving advice that very well might not work, just so I can sell a book or get youtube views or something.
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i guess people have distorted ideas about flirting. here’s how i see it:
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be aware of your goals
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be honest to yourself (what do you really want)
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communicate clearly. be aware of what you want and make no mystery out of it in front of the other person. if you hold back, you’re blocking yourself, and that can’t be good.
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don’t be an asshole. that’s difficult in today’s society where everything seems to be about exploitation and profit optimization, but there used to be a world long ago that was non-exploitative, consensus-oriented. try to feel that vibe
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that should be it. if you’re not an asshole, nothing bad should happen to you. however, that is practically not the case today. whatever wrong twist “feminism” took in recent years to convince society that “all men are assholes” is splitting society apart. it’s provocing a civil war. society must find its senses and reject the forceful-splitting-between-women-and-men of society. in a time where even a glance is “sexual harassment” and women project their mental health issues on men and call it all their fault, is a world that is no longer honest and does therefore IMHO no longer deserve to exist.
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