One time, I was on the phone with my ex, and they narrated writing on the side of the toilet bowl with their own poo. It was incredibly vivid, and I was legitimately disgusted. He added emphasis and storytelling. I sat there and protested, completely unaware his mom did colonoscopies, and he was unfazed by the mention of poop.

One quote that always stuck with me is, “shit in a bag feels like play-doh.”

To this day, I pray to a God that may not answer, that my ex was joking.