but for most tend to exaggerate enormously what other think of ourselves and the truth is, no one cares much.
This is true, but for most people with S.A.D. they were frequently exposed to people who DO care. Family for example constantly commenting on your looks and demenor can have a lasting impact on someone. I was lucky enough to become more rebelious and anti-conformist. but some like my SO, are constantly worried about what others think because its so engrained in them that the people around them are making snide comments to them or behind their backs.
For me, and what im trying to get her to understand. Is that “indifference” is paramount. Its a difficult thing to do but becoming indifferent to the opinions of others is way more powerful than attempting to believe something that isnt always true (that noone cares much). Truth is we are constantly surrounded by wierdos who take a single look at another person and make 1000 judgements.
I find it to be a way more powerful tool to just think about how sad they are, how lonely they must feel, how every foul word is likely a projection of their own lack of self worth. Shrug my shoulders and walk away. Sadly children are not given the opportunity to “walk away”. Especially in the case of parents and family.
This is 100% true and well said. One tick I use with myself and tell others is think of something embarrassing or bad about yourself.
Then come up with something embarrassing you remember about someone else you in the last 5 years. 9 times out of 10 they can’t remember anything. It shows the world is too busy reliving every mistake or rejection about themselves to even register anyone else.
Then I turn it around can you remember the last time you told yourself you did a good job. Then ask if they remember a time someone commented them or got called for doing a good job. Normally it’s the complete 180 on answers. If we took the time to call ourselves out for being awesome more and stopped holding on to those mistakes we mad when we were 20’s or hell 10s. We would believe a lot better off.
honestly, I like your perspective better, its way less depressing than how I normally view people. Its still sad to know that people dont praise eachother or themselves enough. but at least from your viewpoint the people I deemed weirdos are not the monsters I percieve. It gives everyone room to grow, Where as im generally more interested in myself. Praising others, Is definitely something I should work on.
I feel bad now, but when I see people practicing basic decency I generally see it as “the bare minimum”, When obviously thats not the case. Your perspective is very much appreciated, Thank you!
Then come up with something embarrassing you remember about someone else you in the last 5 years.
I’m honestly not trying to be nitpicky but I think you forgot a word because I’m not able to figure out what this sentence means. I’d like to know, because I like your comment!
Maybe but to clarify what I mean is try to remember something embarrassing happing about other people. Most people can’t give an answer. But they can easily remember something embarrassing happening to themselves.
This is true, but for most people with S.A.D. they were frequently exposed to people who DO care. Family for example constantly commenting on your looks and demenor can have a lasting impact on someone. I was lucky enough to become more rebelious and anti-conformist. but some like my SO, are constantly worried about what others think because its so engrained in them that the people around them are making snide comments to them or behind their backs.
For me, and what im trying to get her to understand. Is that “indifference” is paramount. Its a difficult thing to do but becoming indifferent to the opinions of others is way more powerful than attempting to believe something that isnt always true (that noone cares much). Truth is we are constantly surrounded by wierdos who take a single look at another person and make 1000 judgements.
I find it to be a way more powerful tool to just think about how sad they are, how lonely they must feel, how every foul word is likely a projection of their own lack of self worth. Shrug my shoulders and walk away. Sadly children are not given the opportunity to “walk away”. Especially in the case of parents and family.
This is 100% true and well said. One tick I use with myself and tell others is think of something embarrassing or bad about yourself.
Then come up with something embarrassing you remember about someone else you in the last 5 years. 9 times out of 10 they can’t remember anything. It shows the world is too busy reliving every mistake or rejection about themselves to even register anyone else.
Then I turn it around can you remember the last time you told yourself you did a good job. Then ask if they remember a time someone commented them or got called for doing a good job. Normally it’s the complete 180 on answers. If we took the time to call ourselves out for being awesome more and stopped holding on to those mistakes we mad when we were 20’s or hell 10s. We would believe a lot better off.
honestly, I like your perspective better, its way less depressing than how I normally view people. Its still sad to know that people dont praise eachother or themselves enough. but at least from your viewpoint the people I deemed weirdos are not the monsters I percieve. It gives everyone room to grow, Where as im generally more interested in myself. Praising others, Is definitely something I should work on.
I feel bad now, but when I see people practicing basic decency I generally see it as “the bare minimum”, When obviously thats not the case. Your perspective is very much appreciated, Thank you!
I’m honestly not trying to be nitpicky but I think you forgot a word because I’m not able to figure out what this sentence means. I’d like to know, because I like your comment!
Maybe but to clarify what I mean is try to remember something embarrassing happing about other people. Most people can’t give an answer. But they can easily remember something embarrassing happening to themselves.
Thanks!