- He saw me walking.
- He walked into the grass & mud when I was 15m away.
- He continued to walk in the grass & mud past me.
- When he was past me for an additional 10m, he walked back onto the sidewalk.
Yeah I was wearing what I think is pretty good style (picture attached), but was that all the reason to get his sneakers wet and muddy?
There was plenty of space on the sidewalk for us to just, walk on our respective right sides.
Need perspective of some men.
Picture of my outfit.
Edit 1
I am going with "DeltaWingDragon"s response. Most likely a covid era leftover behavior, especially because I was wearing a mask and he was not.
Edit 2
For the men posting about not wanting to be a threat, in this case I think it would have been best for you (not him, as his reason is unknown and likely what the precious edit mentioned), is to pass by while following the sidewalk sharing rules (move to your right side of the sidewalk) and nodding a “good morning” or whichever time day it was as you go bye, without shifting much eye focus from the path you’re walking.
Please don’t internalize that you’re a threat, you can be much more then what you’re painted as.
heh, your edits are kinda hilarious when you note that the position you’ve ‘agreed’ with has just ~15 upvotes, while the two noting its a ‘dangerous by default’ thing each have like 50 or 100 upvotes. Men gave you their perspective, and you choose to ignore it. Most guys agree on what that sort of behaviour typically is – and even if it is the left over covid habit, that’s still a “this person is wearing a mask and likely wants to stay distant from others, I should walk in the mud because they’ll think I’m a threat if I get too close”… is still in the ball park of walkin in the mud cause he wants to show he’s not a threat.
A large number of men have internalised all the negativity expressed in the media about our gender over the last few decades. Lots of the ones who’ve resisted / refused to do so, have gone the extreme right / alpha male BS route, trying to aggressively push back against it in a rather sad way. I reckon its partially because progressive / left leaning approaches don’t typically allow for any dissenting voices on things like gender, and are heavily influenced by feminist ideology: masculine sexuality and traits are the enemy. Caucasian males in specific, is one demographic that’s always pretty safe to dunk on in pretty well any scenario.
I’d phrase it a bit differently though, I think, in that its more risk avoidance than threat internalization – even if one follows the other. Like I know guys who get anxiety if they’re asked to work a shift with just one other coworker (female) on site - I’ve had the same concerns personally. It’s not because we think we’ll slip up and accidentally assault the woman or something. It’s that we’re worried we’ll say something / do something that the woman will take offense to, there’ll be no witnesses to support our side, and the standard of today is “believe the victim (if its not a male victim)”. Avoiding being in that situation/getting anxiety over it, isn’t an internalization of being a threat, so much as it’s wanting to avoid the potential risk of something that’s shown in many media circles constantly.
Nodding hello and saying good morning / afternoon is something I reserve typically for older men, usually white or asian. Any other demographic tends to net a negative response more often than naught. Like imagine if every other person you said “hello” to quickened their pace to get away from you or shot you nasty looks – you’d prolly stop doin it too. I’ve even had X’s who said they thought that behaviour was an attempt to ‘pick them up’, which I definitely don’t want to mis-convey. I still say it back if someone says it to me, but I can’t initiate without it re-enforcing a negative male stereotype. That pleasantry was killed off like a decade or more ago, in part because the onus to maintain it shifted away from men… and women didn’t really want to take the step to keep it goin. I mean, you didn’t exactly say “g’mornin” to the mud walker guy to let him know it’s all good, did you? ;p
Removed by mod
I walk a lot through grass and mud. Most of the times I am wearing water-repellent boots, but there have been times when I am wearing sneakers and I step into some wet mud or grass by habit and get them all wet. This person may be used to walking in grass/mud. Perhaps they work in the field, or enjoys hiking through wet grass and mud to find amphibians. So, that is one thing to consider: people experience different levels of discomfort when walking through mud.
You mention that he was wearing sneakers. Are you sure about that? Water-resistant boots make one extra comfortable about walking through wet terrain.
If the sidewalk was so broad that you could have two people side by side comfortably with extra space, then it is a bit weird but it could still be a habitual reaction to giving way to others.
Since I like walking on grass and I know that others might not, it is not uncommon for me to walk into grass to get out of the way. I also do this on the bike when the bike path is narrow because I am driving either a hybrid or an mountain e-bike and I know these handle the grass better than many other bikes.
I love walking on grass too!
Its a lot more comfy then concrete, because the ground adds springiness and padding to my movements.
yep! He was wearing black nike sneakers I think.
You’ve already got some good answers, so I just wanna say that, as one who appreciates personal fashion, that is a nice outfit! Great use of creative clashing between the fishnet and the poncho. And the belt is a good bridge for them.
Thank you!
Can’t speak for every guy, but some of us will make sure to give extra room on the sidewalk to purposefully indicate that we’re not a threat. A bit of mud is a small price to pay to know that we have prevented even a modicum of fear from springing up in the hearts of a random passerby.
Many of us understand why women choose the Bear over the Man.
“Dangerous by default” is one hell of a thing to internalize 😞
Speaking for myself, it’s more like “I know I can look intimidating, and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, have a nice day”. I know there’s nothing wrong with me, but other people have had bad experiences.
It’s a bit white knight core ngl. Personally, I do avoidance but it’s cause I’m uncomfortable with the people not because I want to make them feel better 😭
IDK about “white knight”; I first heard the phrase “dangerous by default” from a black man recounting how he got nervous being on an elevator with a white woman.
Yup. I do this too, especially if there is no one else around. There’s enough creeps around that I don’t want anyone to mistake me for one.
I do this always. It’s the “I’m not a threat” thing. I prefer the discomfort or personal inconvenience to being seen as a threat or even causing anxiety in that direction. Maybe it makes no difference, that’s fine, maybe they think I’m weird, also fine as long as it has the intended effect of getting across that I am not a threat. It’s worth it for the times it does matter.
I feel that. I’ve had it a few times where a girl is walking in front same speed and direction for like 5 turns. I’ve had to go completely the wrong way before and make myself late for fear she’ll phone the police that she’s being followed.
She’d be justified in the fear, I’d be nervous if I were them, I just hate that that’s the world we’re in.
I always do this too, and for this exact reason
People walk away from other people when they don’t want to be near them.
Honest question.
I have never heard of (or seen) wearing a belt underneath wear your shirt would cover, and on top of that, not wearing one where it should go.
Am I a boomer, or what is happening? Is this some kinda trend now?
Help me understand.
In regard to explaining why I have my belt on my waist.
It’s something I do, you’ll rarely find anyone else who does as well.
It helps bring focus to how “snatched” my waist is when I’m walking, Functioning somewhat as a corset, but sleeker and allows me to fill in the negative space with other textures.
In regard to “where it should go”, My hips are wide enough to hold my jeans on without a belt, the zipper gets jammed from the tension, and thus why I also don’t button up.
While many accessories typically were designed with a specific purpose in mind, one must consider alternative usecases as well.
For example, bracelets for the wrist can also be used on the ankles.
Whenever you use the word “should”, consider that “should” is a generalizing statement, perhaps you had an expectation of how a belt was to be used(?), and now you know more about how I used the belt ✨.
I hope you do consider we’re people of different backgrounds, so don’t demean yourself as a “boomer” for not fully understanding the wear of another.
You did well seeking to understand, and now you’ll walk away with a bit more knowledge perhaps.
It wasn’t meant as a judgement. Just a different way of phrasing how it’s typically used, or generally used. I guess it does kinda sound judgy, tho.
I was raised in a very red place and I am still finding pieces of it left behind after leaving it. In this case, word choice. I really didn’t mean it as any kind of insult or anything, but I really did mean “should” as in “typically”, not “ought to”.
Thanks for the answer. Most boomers I’ve ever known wouldn’t even ask, so I guess I’m still not as bad as them 😅
I am “Internet old” tho.
He may have been trying to be kind and give you space or maybe he was sick. This is all I can think of lol
there comes a point in every man’s life when he suddenly realizes “i must return to the dirt” and immediately descends into the nearest morass to return to the earth
(on a serious note, i haven’t the foggiest clue. some people are just weird, idk)
Bwhehe, Thank you for the giggle!
Dear, of course you don’t have a clue, you’re a woman.
A kind of new trans woman, it wasn’t that long ago when I did identify as a cis man (though even then I didn’t understand a lot of “male” behavior. I was terrible at trying to be a man 🙄)
Is this bait? Or a… humblebrag? I don’t know, but this post comes off to me as slightly unserious.
You’ve seriously never had this experience before? You’ve never heard of this behavior before?
You mentioned gender and posted a picture of your 'fit, which tells me that at least you think it had something to do with gender and/or your appearance.
Maybe you’re being totally serious and curious, in which case… I’ve gotten cynical after my years on the internet.
Bonjour French speaking friend!
This is not bait.
I posted my outfit to help give context hoping it would help men or others better empathize with why the guy in question acted the way he did.
I also did enjoy my outfit today, and was riding a giddy mood the entire day with it.
Maybe it’s a leftover habit from the COVID pandemic?
OOOO, thats the most compelling explanation. I was wearing my mask, maybe they thought I was sick!
I probably do this a good bit without really thinking about it. I don’t really care about walking in mud/grass and I like to give people their space. The fact that they continued to walk on the grass after they passed makes me think it wasn’t a big deal for them either.
Maybe he was being respectful/giving you space? That’s alls I can think of sorry.
deleted by creator
Removed by mod
