My dad has recently been caught having an affair with his young personal assistant. Huge scandal; mom was very angry. Now they’re in the middle of divorce proceedings. Mom moved out, the other woman moved in and I chose to stay with him because we’re super close; he’s like my best friend. Now mom’s telling me to go and live with her and go no contact with him cause he’s a bad person and by continuing having a relationship with him I’m condoning his actions and “ignoring her suffering”. My relationship with my dad hasn’t changed, I don’t see why I should end it.
I am not a therapist. I’m guessing most people on Lemmy are not. Take anyone’s advice with a grain of salt… including this.
People make mistakes. It’s human nature for men to seek younger women because they are supposed to be more fertile. It’s human nature for women to seek older men because they are supposed to be more mature and protective.
However, that’s just thousands of years of basic instincts. We’re more educated now. We are supposed to behave like advanced creatures, go beyond our primal thinking.
That said, if you have a good relationship with your dad, don’t break ties simply because of his infidelity. Learn from his mistakes. Maybe help him understand what he did wrong. Your mom is angry because he broke a promise, a vow. She wants you on her side because she is angry with him and wants to punish him for it.
I don’t know your mom or dad or their relationship. Maybe she was a perfect saint or maybe she was cold and manipulative. Either way, he shouldn’t have chosen someone else before their relationship ended. It’s just not right to hide something like that.
Typically, a man choosing a younger woman over their wife tends not to think with their brain, but with their lust. He could very well do it again in five ten years with someone younger.
Your mom shouldn’t force you to choose, but you should definitely have some empathy for her on how their bond was broken. She is in pain. She trusted him and he failed her.
Hopefully, you will find some sort of compromise and balance. It may take time for her to understand. A long, honest talk might help the two of you get to that point.
Best of luck.