Between the drama in my life, and the phenomenal psychedelic trips I’ve been having, and finally pursuing HRT, and inevitable societal collapse, I’ve been a metronome rapidly ticking between being on the verge of absolute meltdown and being incredibly driven to self improve.

Overall, the year is excellent. Falls are starting to hurt less, and I’m mending relationships. I still feel like a complete fuckup in the back of my mind, but I feel closer than ever to correcting the feeling.

Try a nice hike out 🙏

I live in America, so there’s that. I’m over 40 and now health is definitely a priority.

However, I passed my CompTIA A+ certification and had a few interviews but decided the tech industry is a volatile shit hole even if the pay can eventually be great. I was substitute teaching in the in between and have LOVED it, so I decided to go back to school and I’m starting graduate classes in a week for my Master’s in (elementary) Education!

I wish I was dead but thanks for asking. I have a busted tooth I can’t afford to fix, we had to get a replacement vehicle and it costs too much, which gave the insurance company and excuse to double the insurance rate even though it’s a newer, better car. We can’t afford that either. I’m going to have to file for bankruptcy just to get by.

It’s odd.

It’s both fucking abysmal, but also relievingly hopeful.

I finally dragged myself out of the depressive hole i had been in for a ~year an a half but am currently existentially sad and frustrated. lol
…But it will pass. And i can tell that my life has shifted.

Outside of my country being on fire and being a bit worried the small company I work for will survive, my personal life has been pretty good.

I’ve been casually seeing a new woman and it’s been nice to break out of my usual comfort zone of “you are now half of my life” relationships. And it’s given me motivation to get consistent with lifting weights because I want to look good for her (and tbh love when she grabs/holds my arm), which has really helped me control my blood sugar. I might even be able to dial back my medications depending on how my next doctor’s visit goes.

artistic depictions of my 2025 so far

It sucks as I’m a black, autistic and bisexual woman, whose rights are slowly taken away by Nazi Germany 2.0 (aka America) and live in a very red state. I wish can flee, but I’m broke and jobless. So I’m forced to stay.

But hey, at least I lost 10 pounds this year!

It’d be absolutely grand if it weren’t for the collapse of democracy. There really are a lot of things coming together for me right now and I’d be so happy if I weren’t worrying about having to flee the country.

Got sick for a full week the moment I got back from my New Year’s celebration visit to family, then got sick again a week after I got better from the first time. Then my apartment flooded due to a water heater busting in the apartment above me. Still cleaning up from that. Then I had to quit my job due to a toxic work environment and start a new one with a pay cut, and then the day I go to quit, my grandfather dies (wasn’t close to him but the aftermath was rough.)

And now another family member is on death’s door, so I’ll probably have to go to a second funeral this year.

Needless to say, 2025 hasn’t been my year😮‍💨

Personally it’s about the same, which is good.

But I wake up every morning worried about all the stupid nazi shit that’s going on in the currrent government.

Honestly pretty great. I love my relatively new position at my company, my career track is great, and it seems like people above me might be aware of the good job I am doing. Plus it’s more money than I have ever made in my life, so while I’m still underpaid for my role, I get to WFH wherever I want, and this has all allowed me to buy my first house in rural northern Maine, with almost 11 acres. I close in 27 days and then I can GTFO of my parents’ house, where I have been for 15 months. With any luck I can then find a Canadian wife and get dual citizenship, the better to flee when the trump gestapo come for me for whatever made up reason they come up with.

I mean there’s all this *gestures vaguely*, but if I zoom into just my personal life, it’s been pretty good?

I adopted an amazing kitty on Jan 4. I’m still grieving the loss of my soul cat last year but the new girl has been a great gift in my life.

My job is very seasonal and 2025 was the most calm season of all 8 seasons I’ve done it. I work on software creation and support season, so most calm = the best season ever.

Then I went on medical leave to yeet my uterus and confirmed that I had adenomyosis, so pretty psyched to see how much this reduces my pain after I finish recovering.

So even with the shit show going on in the world, life goes on at the micro level and so far 2025 is shaking out better than ‘24.

So far it’s been pretty good personally.

I work in stunts, and started training with a new stunt team that does some pretty cool projects. I’m not a member yet, but I keep getting invited to trainings and communicating with people in the team, so it’s been going pretty good. They have a few films announced for the upcoming year, so, hopefully I get to work on a few of them!

2024 was all physical and emotional pain for me. Guess who found out they’re Celiac and lost their broken af unrecoverable soul mate? Meeee! Woo…

So after getting misdiagnosed a bunch and having a completely fucked esophagus I’ve been exclusively focused on healing. The progress on that feels fucking fantastic after 2 years of slowly worsening chronic pain and unresponsive to habit changes, drugs, and diet changes to combat GERD. I just had to find out (on my own, no thanks to my doctors) my immune system was attacking my intestines and stomach/esophagus lining because I ate gluten, duh! Also my esophagus wouldn’t heal until I quit smoking. Oh and I found out I have hemochromatosis from the blood work too, so that’s nice.

I’ve been scared straight and I’m at an ideal body weight as a consequence too. Fasting helped healing immensely by just not using my digestive system for awhile. All around I’ll be fit as a fiddle year end, and in better shape than I’ve ever been since my teenage years. Purely out of fear of dying in agony! Wow!

After this horrible arc, I can work on my social life left in shambles by covid. I went nuts and recovered barely, my lover went nuts slowly and didn’t recover eventually, I lost friends some slowly some rapidly to right wing grifters, and just more mental health crash outs. Bad times. Went from 7 friends, 4 of which I hung out with weekly, to 2.5 I barely see. The busy guys I can maybe see once a month are what’s left and one of them was part of a friend group that’s dead and gone, and isn’t comfortable hanging out 1 on 1. Anxiety thing, but we’re not close as a consequence and that’s a doomed relationship.

My best friend is now my roommate and I consider him family now. He’ll probably also be married soon, but we’re staying together with a +1. Probably for life, so that’s nice. Not nice is why he’s with me but that’s a long story. The short of it is he’s autistic enough to be on disability, and his mom is a narcissist abuser that became too much. You’ll see the two cats he came with posted sometimes. All three of them are rescues :p I needed the company anyways.

So that’s my rest of 2025 goals: Social life. Idk about romance just yet. I’m tired, boss.

That’s it. Hopefully not too long winded. Mobile fat thumb edits.